As I’m getting ready for marriage that’s coming in just days now, I’ve been reflecting on the entire life I’ve lived so far. Evaluating past, present, and future can be quite all-consuming, but it’s the only place I can find myself thinking clearly lately. It’s seemed to go in sequential order, and as I’ve gone back and read about the past, looked at pictures of the past, and had conversations with people involved in my past it’s been a fascinating experience.
Today, I am very happy with my life and very proud of myself.
It hasn’t always been that way, though.
Today you’ll get to know me a little better, reader. I’ve experienced setbacks that have broken me. The setbacks have caught my attention the most as I’m going through the past again, and it’s mind boggling what they have done for me.
Before high school, I had been to private school and to public school. By the time high school hit, I was so down with being home schooled. I was able to do my work whenever I wanted during the day, I was able to double up some days if I wanted, and I had a lot more time with my mom which (most of the time) I loved! The thing was, I wasn’t really interested in school.
From the age of 4 to the age of 16, I danced year round at a studio, and from 16-18, in a casual team. My passions lied outside of education, and my parents weren’t very fond of that. I remember someone asking me what I wanted to do with my life, and I told them I love to dance and write. They wanted to know what I had planned besides expressing myself, because that wasn’t good enough. What a winner. They were the first person to intrigue me with their psychological make up. How did they have the audacity to shoot down the dreams of a 16 year old girl? For kicks, I danced in college. :] It felt good to have the last laugh.
At 18 as I embarked on my adventure to Oklahoma, not knowing a soul, I changed. My heart and horizons were drastically, forever altered. I am so glad, and would not change a thing. College has held many heartbreaking separations, many trying times, and much rebuilding in me and in friendships. My best friends will join me on the stage in two weeks, and FIVE of them don’t live in my town. It makes me confident that nothing will change when Aug & I venture to Illinois.
Long distance was a setback I wasn’t ready for. Leaving ORU after pouring my guts out into my floor was a change I was unprepared for. Switching from Kean to Liberty because after three 19 credit semesters, I still was unable to graduate on time, was a bummer.
BUT.
I say all of this to say that
I confidently believe that setbacks can fuel you.
Sometimes it takes something to get us a little heated so we can PUSH harder, so we can FIGHT for what we want, so we can TREASURE what we have! If I had never been told in high school that I wouldn’t amount to much academically, I probably wouldn’t have fought my way through college so hard. If I hadn’t gone to college, I would be without my soon-to-be husband, my best friends in the WORLD, my ambition that’s been flexed, and this hunger for psychology and helping other people that’s been so magnified in my life. Thank you for telling me I couldn’t. I love proving you wrong.
When August and I started long distance, there were many people who genuinely love me who felt like they should tell me about their experience with long distance. It failed. I know. The odds are not stacked in our favor, I know. They weren’t being rude in telling me, just trying to watch out for me. The people who have believed in us all along have such a spot in my heart, because they held me up when I had nothing to offer. THEY stacked the odds in our favor, and I am so grateful for that. Without the setback of long distance, I wouldn’t trust August the way I do, and wouldn’t have the deep, lasting friendships I have.
People have left my life, that I had always imagined being around. That was difficult, but sometimes things make so much sense when you look back on them. I’m grateful for that setback. I learned to value friendships, to seek mutually encouraging and uplifting relationships, and to keep the good people in my life close to my side. The friendships I have now wouldn’t be as precious and invaluable to me if I had never lost close friends.
There’s something about having experience as a teacher: you truly cannot forget her lessons.
Setbacks in your life can be just the perfect amount of fuel to get you to flex your muscles. Do not cower in the face of difficulty, but remember your potential to soar high, high above it. You can do anything you set your mind to.
Love,
jp
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