Shame

Friends,

I need to sit down and begin diving in deep to all of the research that’s stacked up the last 5 years. The piles are getting really tall, and they vary from human trademark to human trademark. I am fascinated and thrilled by psychology and the human experience. You already know this.

Today I have too much to say, and not enough time to say it. The thoughts aren’t ready yet, there isn’t a clear enough picture yet. But what I can say is you have every reason to live in the light even when it’s hard.

Shame, the voice that tells you that you’re unworthy, you’re not good enough, you need to be perfect and strong and ____ and _____… that voice is a lie. That voice will keep you hidden in the dark, where it can do whatever it wants with you. I URGE you, guys I am serious about this. Live in the light. Trust each other. Take that risk. Don’t let the darkness win, because guys it’s when you are silent that you are holding hands with shame. Shame is nothing but a lie. You are worthy of love, you are perfect the way you are, you are good enough. Everything you are is good enough.

If we all really knew that we were good enough we would lay a lot more on the line every day. We wouldn’t be so hesitant and we wouldn’t be so afraid. We would LOVE people with courage. Tell it to SHUT UP guys.

Shame has kept me a prisoner for 6 months, because you know what?

I am not the wife I feel like I should be – the one who cooks and cleans in heels and makes it look effortless. That’s not who I am. I would rather be researching than cooking, and I’m not a quiet, nice gal. I’m here to express, to be authentic, to love fiercely, and I’m not going to tone it down. I am no trophy. As women I think we face a special type of shame from the pit of hell whispering that we have to be perfect at everything, and then we hold EACH OTHER to that kind of ridiculous standard! We applaud good cooking, and leave the work to the men?

Ladies, you have a brain and you may feel free to use it.

You are reading thoughts from an imperfect person. One who is dedicated to doing best what I do best, one who knows that vulnerability is hard but worth it, one who knows that there isn’t always a happy end to every life story. Life is hard work. It’s tough! It’s tiring. I get it.

But I’m done letting what I’m supposed to be get in the way of who I am. It’s tiring to live up to those expectations I put up for myself, so I am going back in and tearing them down. I will not be ashamed that I’m not a trophy wife. I will not be ashamed of my interests, my work, what I like about myself. I like my brain. (I like yours too, and plan on hacking into it for a living)

What do you love about yourself? Write it down. Give shame every reason to quit knocking on your door. Quick differentiation: guilt is being sorry for what you’ve done, shame is being sorry for who you are. I beg you to never be sorry for who you are. That shame will, if we allow it, weaken us forever guys, and then we’re not doing what we’re here for.

My goal, purpose, reason for existence is to help you/motivate you/kick you/love you into understanding that you are worth something. That what you have to give is needed, and it is enough because you are enough. If the world was full of people who know they’re worth something, we would live in a different world.

There are two things I’m sure of:
I am fiercely loved.
So are you.

j

P.S. My heart is pounding. Passion is a blessing, it is never ever ever “too much”.

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4 Comments

Filed under Close to my heart, Psychology

4 responses to “Shame

  1. It’s hard to find knowledgeable people on this topic, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks

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  2. Saved as a favorite, I love your website!

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